Bleed It Out
by CrazyVampireGirl
Summary: Set in NM after Edward leaves. Bella doesn't feel anything anymore. But one thing she can feel is pain. And she likes it. *sorry i suck at summaries*
1. Preface

**I unfortunately do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. Stephanie Meyer does. **

Bleed It Out

Preface

It has been what seems like forever since The Cullens left Forks. And it seems even longer since my love, Edward left with them. But the one thing that didn't leave with him was me. He told me in the woods that he didn't love me anymore; I was nothing to him. There was nothing to do now. He was my life and soul; I couldn't live on without him. But I didn't want to truly die. I imagined what would happen if I did die; René and Charlie, crying their eyes out, my friends from school heartbroken and sad. My new best friend Jacob; heartbroken also. But it ends with Jacob. I can never picture the Cullens there. When they left on a last minute notice, I assumed that they didn't care about me anymore. I was snapped out of these thoughts when I heard Charlie in his room arguing with someone on the phone. I didn't care to listen to it. I heard the argument too many times; we argued, my mother and him argued and I'm not too sure who else, if there was anyone else, who argued about me being like this since Edward left. "Shut up!" I yelled, wanting him to stop talking about him, Edward. I couldn't take this anymore, all it was with Charlie was "Get over Edward," "He's not coming back," "Bella you need to move on," I held my head in anger, frustration and in sadness. I wanted to scream but I knew Charlie would come in and suspect something was wrong and it would be the whole Edward talk all over again. I got up from my desk, locked my door and sat back down on the chair. I opened the bottom drawer of the wooden desk and pulled out a small box that was decorated with purple lilies on the cover and it said a prayer. The cover was right in some way, I always though. Lilies' usually symbolized death, which some days I wish would come more than others. I took out a broken piece of mirror that I had broken a week ago by accident; I had bumped into it while I was picking up my room. I kept it in the box, jus tin case. I took out a small bottle of alcohol and some cotton balls, just in case something happens again. I slowly rolled up my left sleeve of my long sleeved shirt, it hurt a bit but I continued to slide the fabric up my arm till my arm was fully visible. I heard Charlie yell on the phone again. I eagerly picked up the sharpened edged, broken mirror and gently slide it across the pale skin that didn't have a scare on it already. I shuddered a bit as I felt the warm liquid rush out onto my cold skin. It comforted me in a weird way though, I took a deep inhale breathe and let it out, not wanting to take in the smell of the rust and salt that was coming out on my arm. I let it come out; slowly like molasses being poured out of the bottle. At this point in time, I felt no pain what so ever. Because right now it was slowly making its way out of me and down onto the floor.


	2. I was so numb,but i'd rather feel pain

**AN-Thanx for the reviews guys! I'm trying to improve my writing structure so pleas ebe patient and don't point out I have run-ons or whatever else. I already know and i'm working on improving on that. But I do welcome constructive critsum. ~Lizzie~**

**I Unfortunately don't own Twilight or nay of its characters. Stephanie Meyer does.  
**

Chapter 1- I was so numb, but now I'd rather feel pain

The day started as a usual Tuesday would; I get up, go to the bathroom, change for school, go downstairs to thankfully find Charlie has left for his shift,eat breakfast then go to school. But usually I'd go to school with the copper-haired guy who'd pick me up in his silver Volvo. Not anymore, I trudgedthrough the cold rain and into my almost orange pick-up truck. I wait for the heat to kick up. Finally I pulled out of the drive way to make my way to another miserable day at school.

"Hey Bella!" I turned to see Mike Newton making his way towards me. He's become even more annoying since The Cullens left. Constantly asking me out; even though he's technically dating Jessica, trying to act like a knight in shining armor to me, which to his unlinking hasn't affected me in the least. "Hey Mike," I said in almost a whisper. After that he started bombarding me with his usual offers for dates and other crap like that. Thankfully the six-minute bell rang and I'd tell him that was my signal to "get my ass to class". I couldn't be late anymore then I was before anyhow.

The day passed slowly as usual. Sure my grades were up now in the A, B range but it didn't really matter to me right now. Biology seemed like a lifetime without him sitting next to me. His seat was not occupied by anyone; except my backpack. I used to not wait for this class, but now I just want to ditch everyday and I'd rather go to gym for two periods to take up this period honestly. And soon, gym came. Too soon, I had to; now sneak into a small bathroom stall to change in and out of my normal clothes and into my gym clothes. I slipped on the gray "FORKS HIGH" P.E. shirt over a white long sleeve shirt, a.k.a, my cover up. When I walked out of the stall I unfortunately saw my friend, Jessica standing in front of a mirror, expecting her hair. I tried to escape her before she notice me but that didn't work out to my likening. "Bella," I froze in place, turned and walked towards her. "Yeah Jess?"

"Are you o.k. Bella? I mean you've been acting really weird since that bastard left." Now when she said bastard, she was referring to Edward. I was a bit furious after her remark, but I guess that's what girl's do. When a guy breaks up with you on a short notice, then leaves; in my case, the friends are allowed to call him any vile name they want to make the dumpee feel, somewhat better I guess. But that wasn't what I was expecting. "Yeah, Jess. I'm fine." I lied; I knew she knew that I was lying. But she just let me go to gym.

The drive home was the same as well; trying to not crash into anything during a rain storm and trying to make it home in one piece. But to my surprise, I saw a shiny black car in the driveway. Just great, I thought to myself. I parked to the side of the car and got out to find Billy Black and his son, my best friend, Jacob Black waiting under the porch over-hang for me, I guess to come home. "Hey Billy, what brings you here?" I asked, I knew for a fact that there wasn't a game on T.V. tonight. "We just stopped by to say hello." I nodded. I unlocked the door and let them in. "So Jake, what's up?" I asked him after they got settled into my warm house. "Nothing much, my dad just wanted to hang out with Charlie, I guess." He looked at his dad with a suspicious, yet grateful look. "Ah, I see," I joked. "Well Charlie should be home in about an hour or so. Do you guys want anything?" And there I went, going into my fake old-self mode.

Thankfully, Charlie was home sooner than I expected. I excused myself to my room and Jake followed me. "So Bella, what's you've been up to?" I shrugged as I sat down on my bed. "Nothing much really. I mean school is the usual. Nothing out of the ordinary." I was telling the truth in some way but he looked satisfied with my answer. We continued to talk for the next half hour while I was trying to do my English homework. Then when the topic of "The Cullens" came up; I sat up from my lying position on my bed and swung my feet over the bed. And I forgot about the glass of milk I had on the floor, and I being myself knocked it over. "Oh shit!" I said.

"Don't worry; do you have any paper towels or something?" I nodded. "In the bottom drawer in my desk, there should be some napkins or something in there." I saw him go over towards the drawer, and then it clicked. Oh shit! I saw him pull out the purple box with the death flowers on it. "Jake don-!" He looked at me with horror when he opened up the box. "Bella," I was near tears now. He shouldn't know about this, no one should. I got up and grabbed the box out of Jake's hands. "Bella, what are you doing?" he asked in a gentle voice. "Nothing," I lied. "Bella, you're doing something. Please tell me," I could see his eyes were begging for the truth to why his best friend had broken razor blades, a broken mirror and a broken CD in a box with the flower that symbolizes death on it. "Jake, I-I, after he left me in the woods, I didn't feel anything anymore; I was numb, I couldn't feel anything anymore. And when I was doing my girl business in the shower my razor blade accidently cut my leg, and it felt good for once. I felt something. I didn't care that it was pain, but I liked it." I must've sounded insane to him. His face was filled with horror, sadness, frustration and worry. "Jake, you can't tell Charlie. You can't tell anybody." I begged him. He didn't say anything; he just pulled me into a comforting hug. I let the tears that began to gather in my eyes come out. I didn't know what to say to him and I bet he had the same feeling towards me too. "Jake! Jake! We're leaving now!" I heard Billy yell from downstairs. We parted from the hug. "Bella, please don't do this to yourself." I looked away from him. "I'll call you later Bella. We need to talk about this." I nodded, my face still facing towards the floor. I could still she a hint of red on the wood floor. I let a small smirk escape from my lips. "Ok, but Jake, please don't tell anyone! Not Billy, not Charlie, not Leah, not anyone!" He nodded; I could see his grim expressing while he nodded. "I won't Bella. But we still need to talk about this." I nodded in agreement and he walked out of my room.


	3. Chapter 2, OneX

Chapter 2, One-X

Dinner was unusually quiet between Charlie and me tonight. He usually starts up again about HIM, but tonight he barley said a word. We ordered Chinese

tonight since we had our unexpected visitors leave only a little while ago. "Bella, you're mother and I have been talking," Damn, I was almost done with my

dinner. "Yeah and?" I continued to slurp my noodles. "Well we both think it would be better if you went to go live with her again in Jacksonville." I dropped my chopsticks after he said this. "I'm not going."

"Now Bella, you haven't been any better since Edwin left."

"His name is EDWARD." I corrected my father on his name again. "See Bella? You're not going to get over him by staying in Forks. Rene and I think it's best if you go live with her." I stood up from my chair, shook my head and walked up up the stairs. I locked the door and opened my drawer that almost had me exposed earlier today; grabbing a sharp razor blade I rolled up my sleeve and crossed one of the already dried cuts with a new cut. It looked like an X, I thought to myself. I grinned at the thought, I was going to make another one but Charlie was knocking on my door.

"Bells, please open the door." Oh crap, oh crap! I thought. I took the cotton balls and started to try to clot the blood that oozed out form my skin.

Thankfully it started to work. I took out a band-aid from the box; yet another precaution, and put it over the cut. I threw everything into the box and stuffed it back into the drawer. I unlocked the door next to see Charlie with a "we-need-to-talk" expression on his face.

"Bells, we need to discuss this. Rene and I both think it would be good for you. I mean, you're not going to get over him by staying here." He went on for a few minutes, with repeating most of his words.

"No dad, I'm not going. I won't go." I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest. He looked frustrated and tired for today activities and must've given up since he just went back downstairs after I made my decision. I sat on my bed, and just stared at my wall. Memories of the summer came back to me; Edward, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Esme. The Cullens, I thought. Then my thoughts turned sour when it came to only a few months ago. He left me, alone in the woods. I was nothing to him. This made me even more furious. Without thinking I got up and took out my box again, taking out another razor blade and started on my right arm this time. This time the pain was enjoyable, it didn't hurt as much. I laughed in a lower, almost whisper voice with satisfaction. But soon I came back to realization; feeling dizzy and unsteady. I took out the alcohol and cotton balls once again and started dabbing the new cuts to make the bleeding clot.

It was about nine at night when the phone rang, I looked at the caller I.D.; Black, Billy.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella?"

"Hi Jake," I had been dreading this call with my best friend. He wasn't supposed to know about this. Only I was supposed to know. "Bells, are you doing what you're doing because of that bloodsucker?" His voice sounded near furious.

"Why do you want to know Jake?"

"It is because of him isn't it? I'm going to rip him to shreds next time I see that son of a bi-"

"Jake!" I nearly yelled.

"Sorry, but Bella, he's not worth doing this over. He really isn't." I was almost crying now; in my mind I knew he was worth it. I loved him and I needed him, without him I have no life force and no meaning to live.

"Jake it is worth it." I nearly whispered to the phone.

"No it's not Bella. You're hurting yourself because of HIM. It isn't and never would be worth it!" Tears started to form in my eyes now; I tried to calm myself down to try to continue the conversation.

"You're wrong Jake! He is worth it!" And with that I hung up on him.

It was nearly 10:30 now; I knew damn well Charlie was sleeping. That bastard, I thought. He wants me to leave here just because Edward left. "It's ridiculous," I whispered to myself. I was still waiting for Jake to call back, thankfully he didn't try to. He probably will try tomorrow, I know it. I changed into my pajamas; a long sleeved blue shirt with a moon on it and matching dark blue sleep pants with a moon on it as well. After I changed I noticed the band-aid on my arm. I completely forgot about that, I thought. I carefully ripped it off of the new scar I knew had formed under it. And to my liking, it now looked like an X.


End file.
